All day
About nappy changes, washing loads, and being reliable when it's hard
Wake up. Nappy change. Feed. Put him back to bed, all this while staying quiet so mum can get some sleep. Put a washing on (for him). Do some admin work (because you know, you still have a life to handle and a household to operate). Meditate for 15 minutes. Push-ups should follow, but you have to postpone them for later in the morning.
Mum is up and comes to the living room with him for the next feed. I prep the bottle. I stay with them, for company, and because I just love spending that quiet time with both of them. I could have gone to do my finances, which is the main thing I needed to organise today, as the month is coming to an end, but I chose to do that later. At the end of the day, this moment in time will never come back. My finances will always be there. They are just numbers. And I'm glad I stayed, because we cuddled, we laughed, we comforted each other. We took pictures, we chatted, all while my partner fed him. There's no price for that. For what it was.
That was nice. That was more than nice. That was wholesome, and excellent and the most important part of my day, and ultimately, what really matters. That said… Back to business. Mum started pumping (breast milk). She asked me later to put the milk in the fridge. She looked exhausted. I told her to just go and rest while I handled him.
I got up. I stored the pumped milk. I washed all the bottles and teats so she didn't have to and we could be ready to rumble for the upcoming shifts later in the day; they were lying on the sink as the aftermath of previous feeding rounds.
By this point, the washing machine beeped. Yes, the same one I mentioned earlier. Two hours had passed. I went to the hanger already in place near our living room's window, loaded with clothing (also from him) and bedsheets (from us, because you need to take care of yourself as well, and staying clean will keep you sane, at least to me, and clean bed sheets just feel amazing after a long day) that were washed the day before and were enjoying the rays of sun, in the hope to accelerate their drying journey.
Put that hanging and definitely dry washing in the clean basket. Reload the washing machine, this time with towels and another set of bedsheets. In days like these, I think that if our washing machine was a person, I would hug it with total gratitude for all the work it does, a total MVP. Got some water (because hydration is important). I did my morning push-ups, now closer to the afternoon than the morning (it's almost noon by now). Let's remember, all this started before 8 am.
I keep moving. I lift things from the ground. I bend down to pick up the baby from his box on the floor. I hold him around my shoulder while moving around the house; eventually I lunge to pick up a cup of coffee from the living room coffee table. I'm extremely grateful that despite being heavily sleep-deprived, I'm healthy and strong. I bend down to put him back in the box.
At some point we had lunch, he fell asleep, we went to the park. At some point, many other things happened, sometimes at the same time.
Days like today
Days like today make me realise that this is one of those things that I was built to do, and have prepared for, unknowingly. I handle things because I can. Everything led to this moment. The patience, the gratitude, my way with people; but also, the physical and mental endurance that is needed and that I carry from years of training. Running for hours, getting injured, dealing with pain and discomfort. Doing things that are hard by nature, just because.
And that's the thing. As I go through all the emotional aspects of fatherhood, days like today show that the physical and mental aspects, which I don't believe are as heavily discussed as the emotional ones, are just as important. Being healthy. Being able to comfortably move and do things.
It's knowing how physically demanding this "job" is, and the appreciation that I can handle it comfortably.
I'm healthy, I'm strong, I'm ready. And as much as it gets very tiring at times, sometimes entire days, I'm very happy and proud that I can support my partner, and by consequence the baby. Making myself reliable while making sure that my family is safe, comfortable and taken care of.
That is happiness right there. The one that fills your chest with warmth, the one that comes from knowing that you are doing the right thing and will never hesitate to do so, so they can have whatever they need. No matter how much they need, no matter how often, no matter how hard it gets.
I was gifted with what I call a big battery pack. Lots of energy and stamina; I can simply go on and on until the job is fully done.
In the words of the poet known as Captain America: "I can do this all day."