83

My dad turned 83. Another year of life, although when I reflect on it, it seems a bit unfathomable, I immediately find myself saying the cliche "How time flies". Because it's true.

I have these clear memories of my dad at different points in my life, which at times clash with the reality of the present. I guess that's the way I will always see him in my mind.

When you are growing up, you don't think about yourself as getting older; you are just doing that, growing, that's what you are supposed to do. You don't think about your parents ageing. They are older than you. They always have been. They will always be. That's how you met them, right? But then one day, without you noticing, without you realising it, it happens. They're old. You're old.

Suddenly, life becomes all about time. Not about the time that has passed, but the time that is left. The time left for them and with them, but also for you.

It's no longer about "when I grow up I will...", but about not leaving it until it's too late.

It is no longer that surprised, dreamy, wishful 10-year-old voice saying, "In thirty years I will be 40", almost in disbelief; now replaced by the realisation "In 30 years I will be 70", also in disbelief, a different kind; one accompanied by shock and even fear.

That realisation, "Shit, there's truly not that much time left". Because, unlike when you were a kid, it doesn't feel that far anymore. By now, you know how the passing of time feels. Then the main question becomes (and it always has been) not how much time is left, but what are you doing with it? Are you existing in fear and denial, every day, until there are none left? Or are you living and making the most out of it?

It's not about the years but about the days

Days are what fill and make the years, and not the other way around.

It is not about the next ten years, not even the end of this one, but about this day, then the one after, and the one after that.

You are alive today, and that's all we know. Tomorrow? We'll see. The end of the year? Hopefully, but we really don't know.

A lot of todays will eventually become the past that you once dreamed as the future.

A lot of todays will eventually become "ten years ago", so make sure, when they do, there's something in them worth looking back on.

One thing is certain: I don't want to look back at the things I once said I wanted to do, or even worse, the things I said I was going to do and never did, because when regret arrives, it's already too late.